Never ending cycle of fear…

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So today I had a full scale panic attack that I still haven’t 100% recovered from… I feel like I’m constantly on edge, it’s only a matter of time before something terrible happens.

I’m desperate to get to 27 weeks (4 weeks and 6 days to go) as the survival rate is classed as “good” from then on.

I went to the day assessment unit at the hospital today (on the advice of my consultant) for a check up because of said panic attack.

They checked my bp, temperature, baby’s heartbeat, gave me a scan and checked me internally. Everything came back as fine- my cervix is still fully closed.

My cervix is what I’m paranoid about- I keep thinking it’s going to open and bring on labour. I have no idea why, but I have this in my head constantly.

I’m also worried for some reason that my placenta is going to haemorrhage. Again no idea why, it’s just a fear that won’t go away.

Then I’m stressing about stressing. Stress releases bad hormones that have been linked to preterm labour so I’m worrying that by worrying I’m going to make something bad happen. Can you make bad things happen?

It’s a never ending cycle of fear.

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8 responses »

  1. Please don’t worry. You’ll probably end up going overdue – I was sure my first would be very premature as it runs in the family. Nope, no chance (I was a week over and very fed up with it). x

  2. Fingers crossed. I think because they never knew what caused my last premature birth I’m just on edge about everything, and I’m getting close to the stage I was before so I suppose worry is inevitable! 4 weeks then I can breathe a bit! 😊

  3. I can imagine being pregnant after a previous premature birth is a very worrying time. We also don’t know why Henry came early, I think the not knowing can really mess with your head. I always think if they know why H came early if we were to get pregnant again then would know what to watch for.
    It sounds like they are keeping a close eye on you though which is a good thing. And I hear plenty of mummy’s to to term who’ve had a previous prem baby.
    I will have my fingers and toes crossed this baby stays put! X

    • I think your right, it really does mess with your head! Thank you for crossing fingers and toes for me 🙂
      And yes I think meditation could be the way forward to help me chill a bit!

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