So today I had a full scale panic attack that I still haven’t 100% recovered from… I feel like I’m constantly on edge, it’s only a matter of time before something terrible happens.
I’m desperate to get to 27 weeks (4 weeks and 6 days to go) as the survival rate is classed as “good” from then on.
I went to the day assessment unit at the hospital today (on the advice of my consultant) for a check up because of said panic attack.
They checked my bp, temperature, baby’s heartbeat, gave me a scan and checked me internally. Everything came back as fine- my cervix is still fully closed.
My cervix is what I’m paranoid about- I keep thinking it’s going to open and bring on labour. I have no idea why, but I have this in my head constantly.
I’m also worried for some reason that my placenta is going to haemorrhage. Again no idea why, it’s just a fear that won’t go away.
Then I’m stressing about stressing. Stress releases bad hormones that have been linked to preterm labour so I’m worrying that by worrying I’m going to make something bad happen. Can you make bad things happen?
It’s a never ending cycle of fear.