Week 22: Fear Nausea!!

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“Your baby now weighs around one pound and is approximately 29cms. In the next five weeks your baby will experience a major growth spurt. Her cerebrum, the part of the brain that’s responsible for memory, motor skills and intellect is preparing to be able to conduct communication between cells. Rapid eye movements (REM) have begun to occur during her sleep. The hair on your little ones body and even the skin is gaining some pigment. The bones and organs are still visible through the skin; however, they will soon become less visible due to continued formation of fat.

If your suffering from back pain, it will bother you more as your belly gets bigger. Depending on what offers you relief use ice packs, warmth, or gentle massage to make you feel more relaxed. You may notice some other changes in your body including heat rash, skin tags, a reddish tinged colour to your soles and palms and blotchy legs. All these changes are temporary. Your uterus is expanding and is now 4cm above your belly button.” My Pregnancy App- Health & Parenting Ltd.

So this week started off pretty bad I have to say. Monday morning I woke with a raging migraine and spent the day in bed as a result. Tuesday I woke up and the panic attack started…

See, the time is getting nearer to when I had my last baby prematurely and no matter how many people (as well meaning as I’m sure they are) tell me “everything will be fine” and “it won’t happen again” and “there’s no point in worrying for no reason” it doesn’t change the fact that I do worry. Constantly.

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The only purpose this “advice” serves, is to ensure a change in my emotions from worry and fear to all consuming rage! When people say ridiculous things like this, it makes me want to rip their stupid little heads off and mush them to a pulp, much like I used to enjoy doing to play dough when I was younger…

In all fairness- it’s not all people. Just the people who have never been in my position before. People who have been in similar awful situations, tend to be a lot more sympathetic and offer constructive advice on how to relax and anecdotes from their own past traumas, which actually help.

I think theres almost an unspoken “bond” between people who have been through distressing times. Just by talking to someone who I know understands how I feel completely, really helps me feel less alone; more supported. If you haven’t ever been there, you simply cannot relate.

Which is why it was my mother, to whom I turned, when I needed someone to support me during my latest panic attack. Mr W was at work, I had rang my consultant in somewhat of a fluster and she had asked me to come to the hospital to visit the assessment ward to be checked over- which I did willingly.

Of course, as soon as I got into the Maternity Ward I felt the all-to-familiar feeling of my “fear nausea” (as I like to call it) rearing it’s ugly head. Several hot flushes, spent vomit bowls and cups of cold water later, I was checked over and assured everything was looking good.

Thankfully, everything was fine. The staff were lovely and mum was hugely supportive. The midwives assured me I could go the assessment ward for daily check ups if I wanted and, in the circumstances, it was only natural for the odd panic attack or two- you can never be too careful.

So, reassured, I went off home and slept like a baby that night. I had my consultant appointment the coming Thursday and was even more reassured to hear my cervical length was 43mm, higher than it was last time! The only reason my consultant could think of for this was that my previous scan, which showed a drop to 38mm, was actually done at an angle and brought up the incorrect reading!

Phew…

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So, after my strange hellish start to the week, we set off for our little holiday on Friday afternoon both fairly comforted and relaxed.

Princess is wriggling and kicking still at her regular intervals. She definitely has her own little routine and me and Andy are starting to know her movements like clock work!

The place we’re staying in Swanage is beautiful and I’m really looking forward to my week of rest! I think I’ll be able to enjoy my little break a lot more now knowing that everything looks as positive as possible.

Highlight of the week? What better way to kick off a week by the sea than a tea of fish and chips! πŸ™‚

Low of the week? I’m fast becoming an expert on the term “worried sick” it would seem!

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