Dear Pizza Hut,
I’m supposed to be on a diet; I can tell you it’s not going well and it’s mainly your fault.
As a new mum I find I often can’t be bothered to cook, especially if my husband is on night shifts and it’s only me who needs to eat. This is where you come in, Pizza Hut. I blame you for more than few spare inches.
I wish you had the equivalent of a “pub watch” system but for pizza so when I called to order you would simply tell me I was barred. I understand you can’t do this, for you probably make the bulk of your money through me at the moment, and that’s fine Pizza Hut, it’s my problem and I need to dig out some willpower from somewhere, but you can see how this would help me, can you not?
I mean to tell you about my most recent experience of your pizza delivery service; I’m sorry to say there was something left to be desired here.
Firstly, I placed my order at 7.30pm yet the pizza did not arrive until almost 8.45pm. This distressed me something chronic, yet, every time you have been late in the past you have said sorry with a very lovely coupon giving me money off my next order. Very handy, Pizza Hut, and it almost makes me hope you’ll be longer than 30 minutes so I can claim my coupon for next time.
Alas, you finally arrived and I looked for the little coupon but it was no where to be seen. This distressed me further.
You might say I should have rang to ask the whereabouts of my pizza once the minutes went past the allotted time, however, (and please don’t hate me for this Pizza Hut) but I give you a false number and a false email address when I order online, so I had no reference to trace my order…
It’s not because I don’t trust you Pizza Hut, believe me I do, it’s just I can’t be dealing with you texting and emailing me, rubbing your tasty deals in my face much like a whore in a lap dancing club. I just don’t have the willpower to deal with these messages Pizza Hut and I think, by now, you know this.
Anyway, as if this wasn’t upsetting enough I opened my pizza box to find not the Pan base pizza I had ordered but an Italian base pizza I hadn’t. Not a massive deal in the long term, Pizza Hut, as both were vegetarian and the Italian base probably has less calories than the Pan, which in my current position is surely only a benefit, but you can imagine my dismay after my lengthy wait unveiling this unexpected, alien pizza. Plus, I feel I must point out, if the pizza hadn’t been vegetarian, Pizza Hut, I would have driven down to your store and Road House style booted you in the stomach.
Beware, Pizza Hut. Do not mess with a fatty’s pizza order!
To top off this most hellish of nights, long after the pizza and pizza delivery boy had gone, I noticed that I had been short changed by £5. I can only assume that the delivery boy put me in some sort of hypnotic trance with the help of your delicious smelling pizza that I didn’t realise at the time I only received £3 change from a £20 note on an order that should have been £12 not £17…
Now please don’t think me adverse to tipping, Pizza Hut, in fact one of my biggest bug bears in life is people who do not tip. However, I have to say on this occasion with the pizza being late, not the right pizza and no lovely little voucher for money off next time, I would not have been happy to tip let alone a whole £5 or, to put it another way, 42% of the bill.
(A hypnotic trance similar to what your pizza boy put me into)
So you see how this has upset me, Pizza Hut. I hope you take these matters on board and ensure that next time I place an order with you I do not suffer the same ordeal else you may no longer find me a regular customer, and while I’m sure my waist line will appreciate no regular pizza my sanity will not, and I worry my mental health and that of those around me will duly suffer.
From a loyal, loving Pizza Hut customer and her fastly, vastly growing Pizza Gut.