Things I would rather do than spend a minute in Perez Hiltons company (unless in that minute I was given a free pass to kill him)

Standard

1. Start a lesbian relationship with Katie Hopkins.

2015/01/img_3750.png

2. Spend a night in a Turkish prison.

3. Bleach this guys arsehole.

2015/01/img_3746.png

4. Scrape out someones crusty fungal toe nail infection.

5. Go round and collect all the discarded used plasters from my local public swimming pools without wearing gloves.

2015/01/img_3755.png

6. Sit in a hot steamy bath while my husband takes a colossal dump in the toilet.

7. Eat this sandwich…

2015/01/img_3748.png

8. Give a lion a hug whilst wearing a waistcoat made entirely of raw meat.

9. Complete this jigsaw…

2015/01/img_3749.png
Yes this is an actual jigsaw!

10. Take a nap on an anthill.

11. Get stuck in a lift for a day with this guy…

2015/01/img_3754.png

…Or this guy…

2015/01/img_3753.png

… Or any of these guys…

2015/01/img_3752.png

12. Have all 4 wisdom teeth cut through at the same time.

13. Let my 6 year old niece and my 2 year old nephew cut my hair with pinking shears.

2015/01/img_3756.png

14. Introduce myself as “Barberrella, Goddess of Light, Gods chosen vessel to spread the word of Love & Prosperity to all of his beautiful children” to all new people I meet for the rest of my life.

15. Step on an upturned plug every morning for the rest of my life.

2015/01/img_3757.png

16. Lick a hand rail at a train station.

17. Pay for the weekly shop with coppers while at least 5 different shoppers queue behind me.

2015/01/img_3758.png

18. Attempt to skin and gut a rabbit with my bare hands.

19. Listen to the Frozen sound track on repeat for 72 hours.

2015/01/img_3751-0.png

20. Clean up my daughters spit up with my tongue.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s