Bizarre Sentences I’ve Said Since Becoming a Mum That I Never Thought I’d Say…


1. Don’t snort your chicken!

2. Please don’t lick the trolley.

3. Don’t come crying to me when your sausage is all furry.

4. How did you get a pepper in your nappy?!

5. You can’t lick the cats tail.

6. Stop smearing noodles on your stomach.

7. Please don’t kick mummy in the vagina…

8. We don’t put peanut butter in our ears, do we?

9. You mustn’t do head stands on the cat, she doesn’t like it! 

10. You can moan all you want but I’m never going be cool with you poking a spoon in my eye…



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